Toll Free: (866) 285-0654 Bellingham, WA: (360) 527-2796 Articles Return to Article Menu Relationships with Meaning and Purpose By Robert Sears Consider this... You are sitting having a discussion with your life partner, or someone with whom you really want to have a permanent long-term relationship, and the exercise you are doing is listing to your partner expound every reason why you would NOT want to be in that relationship. Sound insane? To the rest of the world it would be total insanity, but not to Sandy Levey-Lunden. This was the first real exercise in a ten day long seminar and workshop on Holy Relationships given in Maui, Hawaii in April of 2005. What is a Holy Relationship you ask? Well, since most of our real understanding has come from the comparison of opposites (from life in a world of dualism) it might be easier to begin by telling you what it is not. The glaring contrast to the Holy Relationship is what A Course in Miracles (ACIM) calls the special relationship. Accept it or not, but most human relationships are special relationships...ones based on some sort of mutual contract. "I will love you as long as you do this for me, and when you don't (or do it the wrong way, too late, too early, too hard, too soft), then I am out of here. The contract is void." These contractual agreements take many forms, but the problem is, even if I am perfect at meeting the negotiated requirements for the relationship, at some point, I am sure to blow it since the standards get raised again and again, until the bar is impossible to hurdle...then its over. So we try again, with another partner. Sound familiar? It should...it is the traditional pattern of marriage and divorce in this insane world. But, if this world is insane, and I assure you it is, then the idea of total honesty might just be the answer. And maybe that crazy exercise of being totally open and candid with your partner might just be something that works. Nothing else has yet. So why not try it. That was the attitude I took entering into the seminar. That single idea, that "something else", that an idea crazy as it may sound, might work, or accepting the idea that there might be "a better way" is not only the reason that ACIM came into existence, but the idea behind the Holy Relationship Workshop created by Sandy Levey-Lunden. I happen to be an older gentleman (62) that has been married twice. I never gave up on the idea that the "perfect" relationship could exist, but without realizing it, I always seemed to concentrate on the things that DON'T count, and completely missed sight of the things that do. Sandy, being one of the most accomplished teachers and proponents of course ideals that I have ever met, showed me a better way in this seminar and workshop. You should note that I have been a student of ACIM since the divorce from my first wife in 1990. Sadly, it was more a study in theology than putting course ideals into practice. Sandy, on the other hand is a master at application, not theology. The Holy Relationship Workshop and all the other workshops that Sandy gives around the world, are based completely on Course principles and concepts, which made this whole approach more meaningful to me. The Course was a language I spoke and understood. One ongoing problem with relationships in this world is that they are rooted in fear. Fear that if my partner ever knew the truth about me, they could never love me, or if already in a relationship, the relationship would certainly be over. So to protect ourselves, we hide from our partners in a subtle web of lies, avoidance and subterfuge. As a result, the truth of who we are never comes out. But, what if we really need to start with knowing WHO WE ARE? And what is truth? I want to point out that there is a universe of difference between what Sandy calls "Big T" Truth, and "little t" truth. I am not going to go into a long dissertation on that subject. Just know that it is a big part of everything Sandy teaches, and it all comes down to which "eyes" you are seeing with. Who, or what we are, has a couple of answers but they are dependent on what internal thought system you are listening to at the moment. If you see yourself as a body; frail and subject to constant problems, pain, suffering and death, then you are looking through the eyes of the ego. If you see yourself as infinite being; whole, complete and immortal, then you are looking through the eyes of SPIRIT. This difference is the idea behind ACIM, and the key point in every one of Sandy's workshops...correction in IDENTITY. And I have choices. I can identify with my body, or I can identify with "the perfection within". That identification makes all the difference in the world. If I see myself whole and complete, then I can see my brother (or partner) the same way, but herein lies the crux. As we see others, determines how we see ourselves. If I see you as something less than perfect then I have chosen (unconsciously) to seem myself the same way. It is only when I see your freedom, your innocence, your perfection, your wholeness, and all your other God-like qualities, that I will see my own. I spent my life believing it was the other way around...that how I saw myself determined how I saw you. This reversal came as quite the shock. The ten days I spent in Maui, allowed me the time, the safe haven, and place of total and unconditional love, to learn to see myself and my brothers differently, and it has changed my world and my life. While the person I was teamed with for the workshop (a person I had never met before arriving in Hawaii) was indeed the perfect person for my process of learning, she was not to be my next life partner. We are, however, in a permanent Holy Relationship. But what I learned in my interactions with her in the workshop (with my undying gratitude), allowed me to be open to see and hear what was truly necessary to be able to recognize a gift of God when it arrived. It also prepared me to be the whole person needed to be a loving and valuable husband. Real marriages are teamed by Spirit, not romance. When I learned that, it opened the door for me to have the relationship I had to this point only dreamed of. (Don't get me wrong, in the male/female relationship the romance is great but not the BASIS of the relationship.) With the stage set by the Holy Relationship workshop, I have since attended many other of Sandy's workshops, and at the first one after my return from Hawaii, I met the woman who is now my wife and partner in a true Holy Relationship…a relationship with a purpose...a higher purpose. It is a relationship of peers who have chosen and agreed to be each others' Teacher and Student. A relationship based on recognizing the wholeness in ourselves, and in the other, and not on a need to fill a seeming void in our individual lives. I assure you this change will affect any relationship you will ever be involved in, and if you have not taken any of Sandy's courses, I recommend them highly. With this new deeper understanding of myself and relationships, my new partner and I are embarked on a life mission to share what we have learned with others, and to be an example of the power of the Holy Relationship. Maybe we will meet you at the next Holy Relationship workshop in Hawaii the end of December. Thank you Sandy. The following is the purpose of Bob and Barbara Sears’ Holy Relationship, and was their joint wedding vow, July 30, 2005. It is also the benchmark against which they measure their progress in their relationship. They have quickly discovered when things go amiss, it is always because they neglected an area of their purpose. It is our Holy Purpose… To share a lifetime as companions, friends, spouses and lovers, To honor the ideals of, and be a clear example of, the Holy Relationship, To love each other, and all around us, unconditionally, To be each others’ constant Student and Teacher, To support, comfort and nurture each other, To remain faithful to clear and open communication, To remain faithful to each other in thought, word and deed, To respect each others’ needs to be separate at times, To be sensitive and to respect each others’ feelings, To provide a mutual opportunity for growth and full self expression, To see more in ourselves and in each other than we think is there to be seen, To see each other as partners; never as enemies, opponents, competitors or adversaries. For more inforamtion about The Holy Relationship Training, visit http://www.holyrelationship.com All graphics and HTML Copyright On Purpose 2007. Designed and maintained by Hexmedia Design