Are you struggling with unresolved issues in relationships? With over 30 years of experience, Sandy Levey-Lunden has helped people heal relationships to rebuild strong, loving partnerships. In this article, Sandy offers compassionate guidance for love that stands the tests of time.
Did I Ever Tell You I Love You?
Introduction: Finding Answers in Times of Relationship Pain
“I can’t believe it was just two short months ago that I was in so much pain with a broken heart. I was reeling from breaking off an engagement, having already failed at two marriages. I was trying to escape from my pain and thinking of where I could run to when I began listening to a CD for the second time. This CD led me to Sandy Levey-Lunden and the answers I so desperately needed.“
-Betty Seise, seeming relaxed and full of life.
The Impact of Unresolved Past Issues on Relationships
According to Levey-Lunden, “We have no relationship issues; we have unresolved issues in relationships of the past with our parents and family that we bring to each new relationship, and project it onto our present relationships. When we come into partnership (marriage, love affair, working), a co-worker or lover is in relationship with everyone from our past with whom we are not at peace or clear with. At any moment, when the situation resembles a past feeling or incident, we can then receive the same response of anger or negativity, as towards that person from the past. Our only choice, really, is for each individual to clear and come to peace with each relationship from their past.”
How Our Past Influences Present Relationships
In the CD, Relationship as a Path to Enlightenment, she explains why relationships are so difficult and painful: “We unconsciously place expectations on our partners. When they fail us, we make a case against them and pull away. Instead of loving them unconditionally, we blame them for things we perceive them to have done, and the blame destroys the relationship.”
The Role of Expectations and Unconscious Contracts
Most relationships are based on some sort of unconscious contract or bargain: "I will love you as long as you do this for me, and when you don't (or do it the wrong way, too late, too early, too hard, too soft), then I’m out of here." In these “special” relationships, people seek to fulfill someone else’s [perceived] lack of love, because they believe they themselves lack love. Sandy's teachings are based on this very prism. "We can never fulfill the illusion of lacking love, because there is no lack of love," she explains. "We try and never succeed, because the truth is we are the love we seek." Many relationships are rooted in the fear that “If my partner knew the truth about me, they wouldn't love me.” To protect themselves, people hide in a subtle web of lies, avoidance and drama. As a result, the real truth of who they are never emerges.
Fear of Being Known and Its Effect on Relationships
The fear of being known is rampant in the couples Ms. Levey-Lunden works with. “I love seeing all parties fully communicate, only to discover there was nothing to be upset about in the first place. It was all one big misperception between two egos.”
The Importance of Unconditional Love in Healing Relationships
As a psycho-spiritual counselor of more than 30 years, she reminds us that we must be complete with our “lack of love” process before we can truly experience love. “If a person doesn’t honor and appreciate their partner unconditionally now, they haven’t learned the lessons that they came to learn. They will recreate these lessons with other people until they learn them. No one can escape their lessons. They follow us everywhere.”
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