How to Create a Holy Relationship with A Course in Miracles: A Step-by-Step Guide

By Sandy Levey-Lunden — Holy Relationship Coach | Based on A Course in Miracles

Introduction

In a world that often glorifies romantic love based on specialness, control, and ego validation, A Course in Miracles (ACIM) offers an entirely different model of relationship: the holy relationship. Unlike traditional partnerships based on mutual need or attachment, a holy relationship is rooted in forgiveness, shared purpose, and divine love.

If you're ready to shift from conflict to connection, from fear to love, this guide will show you how to begin creating a holy relationship using the timeless principles of ACIM.

What Is a Holy Relationship?

A holy relationship, according to ACIM, is one in which both partners commit to seeing each other through the eyes of love, not ego. It becomes a spiritual classroom where healing and awakening occur.

The holy relationship is not about perfection. It's about purpose — choosing to use your relationship for spiritual growth rather than ego validation.

Step 1: Recognize the Ego’s Role in Relationships

Most relationships start as special relationships, a term ACIM uses to describe unions based on lack, need, or projection. The ego seeks to get something — approval, safety, attention.

Key ACIM principle: "The special relationship is a device for limiting yourself to a body, and for limiting your perception of others to theirs."

Before you can create a holy relationship, you must become aware of where ego is driving your desire, communication, and attachment.

Step 2: Invite the Holy Spirit In

The transformation of a relationship begins with a willingness to see the purpose and the process of the relationship differently. This is where you ask the Holy Spirit (your inner Teacher) to reinterpret your relationship and show you the ways of doing a deep healing on all of your personal and relationship issues that you have not healed yet (taken to peace and harmony).

Prayer example:"Holy Spirit, I am willing to see this person and this relationship differently. Help me use it as a pathway to healing and truth."

This step shifts the foundation of the relationship from fear to love.

Step 3: Commit to Forgiveness Daily

Forgiveness is the foundation of any holy relationship. But ACIM forgiveness isn’t about excusing behavior — it’s about recognizing that what your brother did has not truly affected the truth of who you are.

When conflict arises, practice this core ACIM teaching: "I could see peace instead of this."

Choose peace. Again and again.

The method of how to forgive and why to forgive is clearly written in my three-step clearing process called the Advanced Clearing, and in my book entitled I Just Want Peace. We are thus forgiving all the grievances we have from our lifetime with this holy relationship partner, who is holding the space of TRUTH while we go through our ego mind of every relationship in which we don’t have peace. Ultimately this holy relationship partner reminds us everyday and every minute, when we forget and believe we are in our ego mind and believe some negative self-talk about ourselves or someone else that is a judgement or a grievance that we can forgive. We have our partner confirm it is not really the TRUTH of who we are in our authentic self.

Step 4: Use the Relationship as a Spiritual Mirror

Your partner is your mirror. Any emotional reaction is not caused by them, but by triggering an unhealed part of you. This is the perfect opportunity for growth.

Instead of projecting blame, ask:

• What is this triggering in me? What is it you that you don’t like exactly? Who does it remind you of? Then you have the opportunity to do the three-step power of clearing process about your original relationship or family member, to get clear about the cause of your upset.

• Where am I seeking validation outside of myself?

• How can I return to love and peace in this moment? Who do I need to clear about in order to get back to love and peace?

Step 5: Share a Unified Purpose

ACIM teaches that purpose is everything. A holy relationship is not based on form (titles, roles, status) but on content: shared healing, awakening, and spiritual evolution.

Decide together:

• Why are we in this relationship?

• Are we committed to love and forgiveness above being right?

When your relationship serves a higher purpose, miracles become natural. Miracles are inspired by love. Can you commit to a joint declared purpose together that you both want? It is important to have an inspirational purpose that drives the relationship forward, no matter what happens in the ego illusion. One of the conditions of the holy relationship is that you both love working together on your purpose or anything; each one of you is enhanced by the ideas and communications of the other person. It is a teaching and learning situation in which both partners accept that they are both the teacher and the learner or the student and the teacher to each other.  They accept the feedback and the learning from the other person gratefully.

Step 6: Let Go of the Outcome

Creating a holy relationship does not mean it must “last forever” in form. Some holy relationships are brief but powerful. Others last a lifetime. The goal is transformation and the AWAKENING to your authentic self, not longevity.

The joint purpose of your holy relationship is written in eternity. It has a forever purpose even though the people may separate in their current relationship form. There are three different types of holy relationships according to ACIM.

1.      It is a chance meeting by a look, glance, brief conversation and you appear to separate. There is an energy exchange that has occurred and that you have joined at some leve,l which you may or may not recognize.

2.      This is a more sustained relationship in which you may work together for a period of time and appear to separate in your bodies by going different ways (ie. friendship ends, divorce, etc).

3.      This is a relationship that is many many many years, what you call a lifetime relationship. These relationships are generally fewer. They present each other with unlimited opportunities to grow and ultimately forgive. These relationships are the hardest to grow through as these relationships can bring up many painful moments from the past. If they continue to be in relationship and grow together, work through their issues and create peace in their minds and hearts together, then according to ACIM “they become the teachers and saviors of mankind.”

Release control. Let love lead. Trust Spirit’s plan, not the ego’s expectations.

Final Thoughts

Creating a holy relationship isn’t easy — it’s radical. It challenges everything the world has taught you about love, romance, and worthiness. But it's worth it.

Through forgiveness, surrender, and divine guidance, your relationship can become a temple of healing, a portal to peace, and a mirror of God's Love. When you succeed in healing with this one partner, this healing represents healing with every being on the earth. Each holy relationship presents you with innumerable opportunities to heal, it’s like working with every brother and sister on the planet.