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Holy Relationsip A State of Mind Worth Having

Sandy Levey-Lunden

considers that the essence of the holy relationship lies in discovering both partners inherent innocence and perfection. The holy relationship, which is a major portion of A Course in Miracles, is a revolutionary approach to relationship at all levels. I have been teaching a course on the experience of this holy relationship for more than 20 years. The holy relationship is both a philosophy and actual experiential reality. I teach how to open to the holy relationship through Clearing processes and practices — all of them effective means for giving lovers of all kinds the ability to ‘fill their cups to the brim’, over and over again.

I was inspired

to write this article after an exchange with a friend. She is someone who has studied the Course night and day for seven years. But studying the Course is very different from living it.

The conversation began

when she picked me up for our weekly A Course in Miracles class. I told her that I could be in a holy relationship with anyone; that I could spend the night sleeping innocently (non-sexually) next to any ‘brother.’ She told me that was not possible. I told her: “Yes, I could.” She pointed to a man in our group and said: “I bet you can’t be that man’s partner. I bet you couldn’t spend a night in the same bed with him.”

“Yes, I can,”

I said. I was amused by her choice, because I thought this man was the perfect partner for another woman in the group. I could see their soul harmonics and how in resonance they were.

The reason

my friend picked out this particular man as a ‘deal breaker’ was because she deemed him ‘not handsome, interesting or smart.’ That was her judgment and it showed me what she thought of herself. (We only judge others in the way we judge ourselves. If we think we are not good enough, even at the subtlest levels, we pick up on the same ‘flaw’ in other people and project it onto them.)

As a result

of that conversation, I was inspired to tell a deeper truth about myself and what this holy relationship process means to me. For most people, it is a challenge just to read ACIM and fully comprehend what it says. Of course, it is much more challenging to live what it says, on a moment-by-moment basis. That is the real challenge — to have your life reflected as a mirror of the Course book. Yet, that is the opportunity that becoming a student of ACIM offers us. In every area of our lives, we can either say: “I am clear now and in my truth” — or we have some judgment to clear — some fear, guilt, etc. As a student of ACIM, we know that we are either in 100 percent love and joy, or we have something to clear. In many cases, we are not conscious of why we are disturbed or upset.

Of course,

we still have our ‘normal’ lives to live. Everyone has their ego stories, patterns and lessons they came here to work out. I have not met anyone who does not. I certainly have been observing mine for many years and am in the subtler levels of releasing them. And I am well aware that the Teacher’s Manual says that when I become an advanced teacher of God, I will no longer be here. I also think it is important to realise that we might think we know the Truth, but we really do not know. If we truly knew the Truth, as it manifests in our lives and in every situation in our lives, things would unfold entirely differently.

The world

is a school. So that we might know Who we really are, we have to take every aspect of us that we thought was guilty — every action, thought, feeling and belief — and bring it back to innocence. We also have to take everyone else we encounter — and all of their actions, thoughts, feelings and beliefs — back to innocence. Every single one. Every single aspect.

A Course in Miracles

says we do not grow, we awaken to who we are. In other words, I Am That I Am. Each of us are this: I Am That I Am, Eternal Love, Peace, Joy, Totality, Infinity.

We do not need to grow.

But we need to awaken. Our greatest teachers, on this journey of awakening, are our relationships. We were meant to have all the relationships we have and destined to meet all the people we are in relationship with, for the purpose of our healing and, eventually, awakening.

For the past 30 years,

I have looked deeply at relationships and helped people figure out their patterns. I have seen how we make up our reality and how we are, in our own way, dancing the same dance, engaging in the same non-productive patterns over and over and over again. I have looked very deeply into this, so I can learn how to heal them (the patterns and their ‘owners.’) I have used workshops as a kind of living laboratory, so that I might see how the Clearing Process can heal these patterns, in myself and in others.

If you look

closely at your own life, you will see that these patterns can be very subtle, as well as overt. Sometimes, we think we have overcome the pattern, but then we will see it emerging elsewhere in a more subtle form. Until we have, deep down and truly, forgiven them, we ‘enact’ the same patterns over and over. And, as the Course says, only by forgiving, first, will we have true understanding.

If you are like me

and choose to wake up now, you will want to learn to stop responding to your life from patterns and start responding from the Love that you are. As for me, I choose to wake up now. I invite you to wake up into the Oneness with me.

The Clearing process

allows us to shed the many veils we have superimposed on our true selves. These veils make it challenging for us to maintain any kind of relationship, let alone the holy relationship, which requires us to be with each other in Truth.

The holy relationship

is different. It is as different from the ‘special relationship’ as night is from day.

The Course

characterises the special relationship as creating and fostering separation. It says: “I think there is something wwrong with me; therefore, I think there is something wrong with you.” The special relationship is all about trying to fulfil the other person’s perceived lack of love or ‘hole.’ At its core, it is a bargaining process: “You give me what I think I need, and I’ll give you what you think you need.” Sound familiar? Well, as we all know, it does not work. This is how we get trapped in needing this relationship fix.

The holy relationship

is a whole different musical beat. If we were truly living A Course in Miracles, we would stop looking for the sexier, richer, more famous, more powerful, or more intellectual partner, who could burnish our image. We would know that we could love any brother (or sister). We would simply have to make the choice of which one.

What I am saying

is hard for people to hear. But the truth is — the big ‘T’ truth for people who want to wake up now — is that sexual attraction can be a conscious choice in this world. You can be with any brother. It is only your judgments, perceptions, fear and guilt that stop you. Of course, we are only attracted to someone with the same lesson. And much of that attraction is unconscious because our lesson is unconscious.

The holy relationship creates

and fosters joining and oneness. In it, the partners see no lack in either. They think: “I am completely who I am in my Love and I see the same over there.” In the holy relationship, you will see that you are innocent and you will see that in your partner. You will see yourself and your partner as perfect in your essence, in Who you both truly are. You will know that you are One.

In the holy relationship,

you agree to have a joint purpose, such as: “to release our negative past and live in 100 percent Love.” It must be a purpose you both want. And in my Holy Relationship process, you agree to clear whatever barriers and hindrances you each have that stand between you and remembering Who you really are in True Love. A Course in Miracles says we are not here to seek for love, only to remove the barriers to love we have created within ourselves.

In a holy relationship,

your job is to support your partner 100 percent in going all the way toward discovering Who they are and confirming only the Truth of who they are, and what is Real in every situation. And what is Real is Eternal Love.

Sandy Levey-Lunden, for more information go to or call (360) 527-2796.  Sandy has many evening presentations and workshops.

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True Intimacy of the Holy Partnership
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Holy Relationship A State of Mind Worth Having
How to Forgive Yourself
How Do I Love Thee?
How Healing is Accomplished

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